Monday, September 19, 2011

Worst Movies Ever Blogfest

I've been eagerly awaiting this blogfest. I have a secret passion for bad movies. Thank you  Alex J. Cavanaugh for organizing some horrible fun for my Monday!

Here's what Alex says about the blogfest: On Monday, September 19, post a list of up to ten of the worst movies you’ve ever had the misfortune to watch. Films that just oozed awfulness and featured plot holes so big you could drive a bus through them. Any genre or year, but only theater and straight to video/DVD titles. (Otherwise we’d all list every movie ever made by the SyFy Channel!) Sign up, grab the button, and on September 19, give us the worst! And be sure to visit others participating in the blogfest. (List found here!)

Drat. No SyFy movies. Oh well. It doesn't matter. There are hundreds of terrible films out there. And only ten. I think I can limit it to that.

1. Rubber. A destructive tire named Robert with telepathic powers. Need I say more? Yes. Yes, I do. If that premise isn't bad enough, the writer tries to get meta on us. There is an audience watching the tire as if it's a live movie. Someone tries to kill off that audience so it wouldn't just be a movie any more. Then the people in the "movie" interacting with the tire realize they're in a movie and thus they can't be hurt as long as someone is watching them. They should have just stuck with a psychotic tire killing people.

2. Dungeons & Dragons. As a gamer geek, I was insulted by this film. They knew nothing about how to make it great. Sorry excuse for a plot. The actors were bad. Really bad. I've seen elementary school plays that had better talent.

3. Howard the Duck. I'll have to apologize to my husband for adding this to the list. He likes it. I hate it. Maybe it's a guy thing?

4. The Human Centipede. I cringe even at the sight of the movie poster. It's a rip-off of Hostel in a way except the bad guy wants to make a human centipede from his victims. I'll leave that bit to your imagination until you actually see the film.

5. Basket Case. This one has stayed with me since I was a teenager. Horror flick about a man and his deformed Siamese-twin seeking revenge upon the doctors that separated them. The deformed twin is, well, I can't find the words to describe the hilarious lump that he is. Evil, but ridiculous.

6. Birdemic: Shock and Terror. You mean shock and terror that it's so bad? What's even more frightening is that the writer/director was taking it seriously. He thought it was fantastic.

7. Dalmer vs. Gacy. No matter the desire to see two of the most infamous serial killers cloned and set loose on an unsuspecting world, it wasn't worth it. I'd rather they'd have killed me before I watched a minute of the film.

8. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I'm a big Indiana Jones fan. I love the first three movies. Why did they have to make another one? WHY?! Harrison Ford is too old. A refrigerator? Really? Then there's that annoying no talent bozo, Shia LaBeouf. I can't stand any movie he's in. Finally the aliens. Indiana Jones is pulp adventure not science-fiction. No thanks. I deserve better for being a fan for so long. We all deserve better.

9. Hobgoblins. We had greatness in Gremlins. Even Critters was entertaining. Hobgoblins, you suck.

10. Vampire Circus. Vampires are really popular right now, but this is not something I'd recommend to anyone. All I can say is WTF?!

30 comments:

  1. Oh, this made me laugh, and I needed that on a Monday morning! Especially your description of "Rubber" - I can't believe anyone made a movie like that!

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  2. I've watched the Dungeons and Dragons one... and yes it was terrible... hehe cool list.

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  3. Hobgoblins, you suck - classic! And I watched a whole fifteen minutes of Rubber before giving up. Awful film.
    Thanks for participating in the blogfest!

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  4. C D, I'm glad I could make you laugh. Yeah, Rubber was really bad. Yet the promise of a killer tire drew me in.

    tfwalsh, thank you! I want to make a new D&D film and I'll do it right. Someone just needs to give me a few billion dollars to do so!

    Alex, I'm surprised you made it fifteen minutes into it. I let it run the whole way through, but I was reading and doing other things as it played. I don't even remember how it ended already!

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  5. i love indiana jones, and though his return in crystal skull was washy, it was great to see harrison ford suit up. we will see in part 5 if they can make it more suitable.
    :)
    i love bad/worst movies, these lists are tough!
    jeremy
    twothumbseightfingers.blogspot.com

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  6. The Human Centipede sucked so bad. It's on Netflix you know. :)

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  7. iZombie, I'll likely watch the new Indy film too. I won't be able to keep away! Might be a bit masochistic of me.

    Laila, it's on Netflix? All the more people can see how horrible it is then!

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  8. LOL. Rubber? I saw the previews on that one. LOL

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  9. Wait, a tire with telepathic powers? And people watching a movie which somehow affects said tire? Um, okay . . . LOL.

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  10. I'm with you on Indiana Jones. The last one was a tragedy!

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  11. I wasn't too keen in Indianna Jones although my late husband was, as for the others I have not seen.

    Thanks for your visit and comment, much appreciated,
    Yvonne.

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  12. I agree with Indian Jones--they should have left well enough alone!

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  13. howard the duck! terrible!
    the rest are too obscure =)
    the 80s were notorious for bad movies!

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  14. Howard the Duck and Catwoman are running neck and neck for worst movie I think.

    And whoever came up with that Centipede movie needs to do some time for crimes against humanity. So awful.

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  15. Great list! I agree with you about the Indy movie, there should not have been aliens in it - its so wrong. :)

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  16. I'm glad so many people agree with me about the Indiana Jones movie. I wanted to be like Indy when I was young, so the horrible-ness of that fourth movie felt personal!

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  17. Howard the Duck was so bad. And I just pretend the last Indy movie didn't happen. (Although Karen Allen looked great for her age.)

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  18. A telepathic tire? Wow. Somehow I've managed to escape most of these really awful titles, alhought I have seen the Indiana movie, and . . . I so didn't want the whole alien element - it ticked me off. If there had been some "history" or "myth" to it, I would have enjoyed it.

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  19. Totally agree re Dungeons and Dragons. It was HORRIBLE! ;)

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  20. I actually loved "Rubber" because it made me crack up so much. It was so horrible, it was good. Thank you Netflix instant!

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  21. Ahah... I think I've been living under a rock... I haven't heard of the majority of these! I just watched the trailer for Human Centipede, courtesy of this blogfest, and I can honestly say, that is not a movie I will ever be watching!

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  22. I didn't like Kingdom of the Crystal Skull either. Fortunately, I haven't seen the other ones. Though, I do gotta admit, I have a secret passion for bad movies too!

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  23. A good friend of mine played the female lead in Basketcase- isn't it horrible!

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  24. i haven't seen many of these, but i think you are hilarious the way you rant about them! :)

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  25. I love your commentary, Christine. Howard has been very popular today. I'm really glad I missed it.

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  26. Howard the Duck made my list as well. I completely forgot about the horridness that was the Crystal Skull though. What a waste of Indy!

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  27. We have Howard the Duck in common. And I saw the trailer for Human Centipede on another blog. Wow> Now that's really bad entertainment.

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  28. I didn't much care for the latest Indiana Jones installment either. And Rubber? Sounds like someone was sniffing glue when they decided that was a good idea.

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  29. Alica, your friend was in Basketcase? Does she joke around about it too?

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  30. SOrry I'm so late getting by... but wow you're so right with D&D. I was looking so forward to it and it just blew chunks. I wouldn't even know how to fix it... that bad. And yeah, I so wanted to like the latest Indy Jones cuz I'm a huge fan too... but man, it didn't cut it. :(

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