Worst Movies Ever Blogfest

I've been eagerly awaiting this blogfest. I have a secret passion for bad movies. Thank you  Alex J. Cavanaugh for organizing some horrible fun for my Monday!

Here's what Alex says about the blogfest: On Monday, September 19, post a list of up to ten of the worst movies you’ve ever had the misfortune to watch. Films that just oozed awfulness and featured plot holes so big you could drive a bus through them. Any genre or year, but only theater and straight to video/DVD titles. (Otherwise we’d all list every movie ever made by the SyFy Channel!) Sign up, grab the button, and on September 19, give us the worst! And be sure to visit others participating in the blogfest. (List found here!)

Drat. No SyFy movies. Oh well. It doesn't matter. There are hundreds of terrible films out there. And only ten. I think I can limit it to that.

1. Rubber. A destructive tire named Robert with telepathic powers. Need I say more? Yes. Yes, I do. If that premise isn't bad enough, the writer tries to get meta on us. There is an audience watching the tire as if it's a live movie. Someone tries to kill off that audience so it wouldn't just be a movie any more. Then the people in the "movie" interacting with the tire realize they're in a movie and thus they can't be hurt as long as someone is watching them. They should have just stuck with a psychotic tire killing people.

2. Dungeons & Dragons. As a gamer geek, I was insulted by this film. They knew nothing about how to make it great. Sorry excuse for a plot. The actors were bad. Really bad. I've seen elementary school plays that had better talent.

3. Howard the Duck. I'll have to apologize to my husband for adding this to the list. He likes it. I hate it. Maybe it's a guy thing?

4. The Human Centipede. I cringe even at the sight of the movie poster. It's a rip-off of Hostel in a way except the bad guy wants to make a human centipede from his victims. I'll leave that bit to your imagination until you actually see the film.

5. Basket Case. This one has stayed with me since I was a teenager. Horror flick about a man and his deformed Siamese-twin seeking revenge upon the doctors that separated them. The deformed twin is, well, I can't find the words to describe the hilarious lump that he is. Evil, but ridiculous.

6. Birdemic: Shock and Terror. You mean shock and terror that it's so bad? What's even more frightening is that the writer/director was taking it seriously. He thought it was fantastic.

7. Dalmer vs. Gacy. No matter the desire to see two of the most infamous serial killers cloned and set loose on an unsuspecting world, it wasn't worth it. I'd rather they'd have killed me before I watched a minute of the film.

8. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I'm a big Indiana Jones fan. I love the first three movies. Why did they have to make another one? WHY?! Harrison Ford is too old. A refrigerator? Really? Then there's that annoying no talent bozo, Shia LaBeouf. I can't stand any movie he's in. Finally the aliens. Indiana Jones is pulp adventure not science-fiction. No thanks. I deserve better for being a fan for so long. We all deserve better.

9. Hobgoblins. We had greatness in Gremlins. Even Critters was entertaining. Hobgoblins, you suck.

10. Vampire Circus. Vampires are really popular right now, but this is not something I'd recommend to anyone. All I can say is WTF?!